Stuart gets to say something (Guest Post)

I’m excited to get to write something on Jean’s blog, after she’s done all the hard work of building up a wide readership - her ‘fan club’ as I call it! Although I do lots of writing in my work, I think this is the first blog post I’ve written. But don’t worry, I’m sure it will be back to Jean for future posts.

As Jean’s husband, witnessing her learning to hear has been a fascinating experience for me. Firstly, it has given me a renewed respect for her impressive ability to lip-read. As she goes through the longest period of her life without hearing aids for 35 years, we have realised how limited was the assistance they provided and so how heavily dependent she was on her ability to lip read.

Secondly, I have a new appreciation of the wonder of the human brain. As I understand it, Jean’s brain received a very large range of sounds from Day 1 of her Cochlear Implant being switched on, but her brain could make sense of almost nothing. All the signals were bypassing her outer ear and stimulating her brain. But, of course, true hearing is learning to make sense of all these - distinguishing sounds; understanding words; and recognising voices. And with its heavy reliance on lip-reading, her brain is mainly used to hearing through her eyes rather than her ears. I’m no neuroscientist, but I’m imagining thousands of neural networks are being formed and developed in her brain every day. I remember an engineering project at university using Hidden Markov Models to distinguish different voices using computers. But, even after five weeks, Jean’s brain is performing pattern recognition way beyond these powerful machines. I am impressed by the engineers who have designed the Cochlear Implant. I am grateful for the skill of the surgeon. But I am truly in awe of the design of the human brain.

I’ve also been musing on Jean’s time of waiting for the fulfilment of the promises of those who encouraged her on the journey with her Cochlear Implant. Although I encouraged her to have the surgery, I'm really thinking here about two particular groups of people. Firstly, the medical team, who advised that her hearing would be much better than with hearing aids. And, secondly, other patients who had already received Cochlear Implants and shared with Jean how much the technology had improved clarity in their hearing. It’s not that we doubt their promises and personal accounts, but to be honest it doesn’t yet match her personal experience. Jean’s ability to hear is probably now approaching roughly how good it was with one hearing aid. So far, then, it has felt like a bit of a backwards step. In many ways this is amazing progress, and I’m so proud of how she has persevered and not looked back over the last nearly 6 weeks. But, to be honest, I think we had both set our minds on the final outcome and not thought so much about how tiring and frustrating the journey would be. I can see how exhausted she gets every day. And two young children aged 3 & 5 are, of course, unrelenting in their energy and demands!

So our present experience is that Jean is tired all the time, while her brain is on overdrive, working hard to make sense of all these new signals coming from the implant. But for all this effort, there is no real improvement over what she had before. And it’s all too easy to look back and wonder if it’s really been worth it. But, of course, we’ve just got to sit tight and persevere. We’ve got to remind ourselves of the authority of the medical team, and of the experiences of others who’ve had the surgery before her. We have faith in them and not in the everyday ups and downs of our feelings. The Bible tells us that “faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see” (Hebrews 11:1). But, of course, faith is not blind. Biblical faith is built upon God's past performance - how He has been reliable and authoritative throughout history. In the same way, Jean’s surgeon has demonstrated his trustworthiness and authority through his track record of successful operations. Biblical faith is also based on the testimonies of people changed by God from the inside out. Likewise, Jean has seen the changed lives of others who have had the same surgery. So as the weeks tick by, we try to remember to hold on to these things and put our confidence in a reasonable faith that Jean's hearing will continue to improve way beyond her current experience.

I also want to say a big thank you to friends and family for all your encouragements and practical help over the last month. I know that Jean has really appreciated all your feedback and prayers and support. Centrepoint church greatly helped during the first few weeks by organising a meal train, which relieved us of the need to shop and cook evening meals. Jean’s mum has come to stay with us twice to help with childcare. We’ve had other people offering to look after the boys, go shopping and even come and do some housework. I think we’d both underestimated the toll it would have on Jean’s energy, so the practical support has been amazing. The last 2-3 months have been tiring for me as well, trying to do what I can to relieve Jean of a bit of childcare during the day and at the boys' bedtime. But it's obviously been much less disruptive for me - no-one has been drilling holes in my head or bombarding me with alien sounds! 

Finally, I’ve always admired Jean for being a great listener, despite her hearing loss. I’m convinced that her determination and attentiveness will serve her well as she does her daily ‘homework’, training her brain to comprehend these new sounds. And I am excited for her as she discovers more and more of the world of sound around us. But I confess that I will always be a little envious of her ability at bedtime to remove her ‘ear’ and to sleep soundly, undisturbed by twittering birds, barking dogs and the yells of small children!

Stuart